The age of man?

It’s not easy being male, expectations are distorted at best in our current climate. Whilst traditionally we are told we should be headstrong and direct, there is an overwhelming expectation to be at one with our emotions. Whilst our female counterparts tirelessly proclaim and debate their place in the modern world (and why wouldn’t they?), disappointingly there is an honest lack of discussion of the meaning behind being a man. Instead, we are constantly bombarded with articles about how men should look, how they should dress and that ever so popular topic; what they should earn. It seems the male identity has become more shrouded than ever in 2017, but why?

The theory of man in today’s world is an interesting one – bringing to light matters like how ‘boys think they’re breaking the man contract if they cry’, to how the constant male obsession with building a Spartan body just means there is far more to hide behind (Grayson Perry). It’s a fact that male suicides are at an all-time high and more concerning is the identity crisis that may be behind this.

So what does it mean to be a ‘man’ – traditionally (and I say this lightly) the breadwinner of the household, it was a man’s job to provide tireless labour to provide for his family whilst coming home to his dodgy cardigan and tartan slippers (sorry Dad!). This of course had its distinguished drawbacks and obviously, no longer in the Victorian age, we have swapped the coal mines for Spin Classes and bowlers for new eras.

The male image is a conundrum of late – with all life’s glorious freedom and ever-growing choices it was inevitable that our image has evolved over time. Realistically though, are we doing this portrayal justice? Should we be expected to even fit an image? The mind boggles. So, from the hipster, in his Carhartt Dockers riding his fixie bike, to the ‘gym guy’ everyone knows, always seen in low cut vests and ankle tight bottoms, we certainly are presented with a real variety, but what does being a man really mean? There was only one thing to do, ask them:

A 25 year old male I spoke at length with describes being a man as ‘never being afraid, from a traditional standing’; but ‘it’s far deeper than that in this day and age’. He went on to describe how the male figure suddenly appears to be more image conscious now, more brand aware. It’s true – I can’t remember a time where men were so quick to care for their appearance (every No7 advert is matched by a Nivea for Men, for example), but by no means is this negative. ‘I was raised just as much by my mother as by my father though, so perhaps that’s why I care. I’ve been raised to give a good account of myself at all times, the downside is perhaps the emotional discharge that comes with it.’

‘If being male means providing protection then that in itself needs to evolve with society. Instead of relying on weapons, one must channel this through words and actions and I believe this is where the line is blurred with most men my age.’ Being the provider now means more than just putting food on the table, you have to be reliable at all times whilst ensuring openness.

One thing is for sure, it’s a repetitive and interesting topic to see males so disappointed with their emotions, as if society expects them to keep a lid on it all? ‘Men don’t cry’ is an often used statement (unless you’re the President of America, or Gazza) - how many times have you truly seen a man cry compared to a woman? It seems for example there is a worldwide Dad-code to not cry in front of your children, yet men are quicker to release anger than sadness and that’s something that is evidently instinctual via societal influences – not by evolutionary traits. We are just as genetically programmed to cry as much as women even by the same triggers, but we do not!

Males are also now just as under scrutiny for their appearance as women (who traditionally have fallen victim to expectations in society) – the internet is littered with ‘Max Powers 60 second-ab workout’ (other workouts are available) to get you ‘shredded like Rocky in 4 weeks’ (oh please). Not only is this literally unachievable, it also heaps pressure on the average Joe – who assumes that is the only way to look! This is really nothing new though as the Greeks and Romans loved a good statue of the male form (complete with, ahem, bits) and portrayed their Gods as having dench chests and ripped abs leading them to create the world’s first two hashtags in 1000BC - #GreekGoals and #GodGains (if you travel to the Acropolis of Athens you can still see them etched on the walls) – I jest, I jest!

It’s important though to acknowledge an older generations point of view alongside this, often hindsight is 20/20 and I also asked the wisest man I know (a 57 year old) about his opinions on the male in modern society. He went on to say,’ The modern man is related to what year we live in and the environment that surrounds that man’ noting our evolution, ‘We live in 2017, where the man’s role is very different to what it was in 1967, 1977, 1997 or any previous year in our history.’ Reinforcing the idea that our evolution by describing how males were hunter gatherers, then solider workers and now fathers and partners. The clear theme here is one of a robust man developing to a caring figure for those around him, but is this now universal?

‘What makes men today ‘modern’ is a question of how much they have evolved or developed from what history has taught them.’ I stumbled with what to follow this with, for how many times has history truly repeated itself via man’s failures? Perhaps we as men have learned the wrong values previous to this age and only now our freedom has allowed for true choices to be allowed in society? He recognises that ‘the modern man has evolved over the years to become a more caring, friendly, and sensitive person than any time in history’ but also notes that this is largely in the developed world too, reinforcing how privileged we are to be able to now choose our own paths.

Perhaps then it is not men that have the choices, its society that allows these life choices to be made?

Men are under pressure to fit a stereotype in the western world – it’s more important than ever to have an image and this to some is totally new. Did your Dad wear skinny jeans and a snapback - I mean, maybe yes, but it’s unlikely. The expectation to be in good shape, eat fruit, and dress like you deserve 50 Instagram likes on your outfit at all times has never been so true! Gone are the 3 piece days where men were confined to their rigid pinstripes, a male’s uniform can quite simply be anything and everything, but does this freedom really reflect flexibility in male attitude?

It seems the alpha male behaviour – akin to our Greek ancestors - is still applauded by our own gender, but claimed as too bravado by others (fair enough given the ‘lad culture’ it can arouse) and although we’re told women want a ‘real man’, we also need to be ‘emotionally aware’ (I try my best to read cosmo at least once a month).  Equally, men who are neither ‘type’ are lambasted for not ‘fitting in’ – it has become harder than ever to understand what we should aspire to be.

I won’t preach – everyone is quite simply different, but it’s interesting to really hear what real men think their own gender should encompass. It’s inevitable that any post discussing gender will never end with one answer, in this case because it’s impossible in reality to fit just one type.

Men with a cover star midriff, short hair, angry attitude and a love of sports are just as likely to cry when Marley dies in Marley & Me as a pianist dressed in drainpipe jeans wearing Windsor glasses with a cowlick. Fact is, male or female, everyone’s appearance will usually be a stark contrast to what’s inside (aww).